You Are Not Inferior

You Are Not Broken

Limiting Beliefs and Pay What You Can

After a conversation with a close friend about her new venture in life and hope, I've challenged myself to come up with 200 limiting beliefs/painful thoughts I currently have. 

Limiting beliefs can be any thought that is holding you back from living the life you love. It can be a REALLY painful thought (No one loves me), or something so ingrained that you believe about yourself that you don’t even notice it (I’ve always been clumsy). My therapist once said that anything negative you believe about yourself isn’t true. It’s been taught to you…someone said it or you made it up about yourself via the old “compare and despair” syndrome.

I have to admit, I'm kind of surprised at the ease with which I am able to come up with my own limiting beliefs. 

I'll share with you one of my more recent ones. I had this thought a couple of years ago, "I can't go to Hawaii until I can wear a bathing suit without cringing in the mirror." Yes, I actually thought and believed that. And of, course, saying it aloud now it seems so silly and obviously untrue, but these are the kinds of thoughts that regularly float through our heads and hold us back from living the life we desire. For example, if I hadn’t worked through that thought, the photo above would not have been possible. I also had it in my head that I had to wear a bikini or some such thing if I was ever going to learn to surf. Well, all evidence to the contrary, because here I am in board shorts and a rash guard learning to surf. One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself…in Hawaii.

Some other examples of limiting beliefs:

• I have to stay in this job. 
• I don't have enough money (time, energy, intelligence).
• I have to be small for others to like me/I can't be too big for my britches. 
• I don't know enough/I have to be an expert. 
• I can’t be self-indulgent/love myself too much.
• I don’t know how to take care of myself.
• I’m the only one who can…
• My spouse should be nicer to me.
• I’ll never get a rasie/They don’t appreciate me at work.

Find Your Limiting Beliefs

I am going to encourage you right now to take out some paper and a pencil and begin making your own list. See if you can find five of these kinds of thoughts. It’s important to notice when you’re having them. Shining a light on these beliefs and thoughts is the first step to getting them behind us. If you're feeling brave, I'd love it if you share one or two of them in the comments below.

The next steps have to do with working through the thoughts. You may or may not have heard of Byron Katie. She is the guru of working through painful thoughts with a process called “Inquiry” or “The Work.” If you’re interested in more information about her, she has a website and a book called, “Loving What Is” that is a total game-changer with respect to moving through painful thoughts and limiting beliefs.

Having said that, I have found that it is most effective to work through these thoughts with someone else because when we are in the middle of these thoughts it’s hard to see any other way to think. An objective third party to your thoughts can be just the ticket to opening up possibilities of thinking and believing a different way. A less painful way.

That’s where I come in. One of my favorite things to do as a coach is help people to “Inquire” into their thoughts and discover a less painful way to think and live.

Since we are done with all of the lovey-dovey of Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to keep love going and offer a "Pay What You Can" for a single session. This is an $85 value that you can snap up today for whatever you can afford to pay. Please note this is for a single session only and does not apply to any of my coaching packages.

Once you’ve clicked on this Pay Now button, you’ll be taken to the PayPal website. You’ll see a field called “Item Price” and you’ll fill in your price. Continue through the payment process and I’ll email you within the next day or two to set up our appointment. Make sure you’ve entered the email address at which you want to receive my email.

I'm going to limit this offer to the first 5 people who pay simply because I need to fit them into my existing schedule.

Today I’m wishing you a day filled with Self Love!!!

Update: I've removed the Pay Now link as I've had 5 people sign up. Thank you!!!

My Story...with Food

We all have a lot of stories, don’t we? I have a few that have really played a large part in defining the person that I am today.

One of my stories is that I was raised by very loving parents in a pretty dysfunctional home. My dad seemed to think it was a great and helpful thing to share with me at an early age that he thought I was overweight and that no one in their right mind would love me unless I lost weight. It was a conversation that we had in our kitchen when I was a freshman in high school and I’ll never forget it as long as I live.

Probably not surprisingly, weight has been an issue of mine on and off for a lot of my life. I’m happy to say that over the last three years I’ve lost almost 50 pounds using all of the normal methods approved by healthy people everywhere; diet, exercise, I hired a personal trainer and visited him three times a week for a year, I eat a lot of organic food and am a green smoothie junkie, yadda, yadda, yadda. And some not-so-healthy ones too, like diet pills and the intense grief that came from the loss of my dog. I went whole days without eating then – not good.

But I have a secret to tell you and here it is. When you’re done needing the weight to do for you what’s it’s doing – you’ll let it go. Profound, right? Yes, it is. And so very true.

When I started life coach training, that’s when something really clicked. Once I started getting to the root of the reasons WHY I was eating too much and cleaning up those issues, then I didn’t NEED to eat too much any more. This was so profound to me and I can’t stress enough that no amount of dieting and exercise will work or be sustainable until you’ve figured out and put to rest the why of the weight. For me weight was a way of keeping people away and not being seen. If, according to my dad, no one would love me if I had weight on, then I could hide behind weight. That felt safe. Being seen didn't feel safe and hiding behind weight did.

My parents sent me to a fat farm as my high school graduation present. It was one of the best things they could have done for me. There I learned how to eat whatever I wanted – even junk food – as long as it added up to 1,200 calories per day, and how to move for 5 hours each and every day. That’s sustainable, right? Truly. Awful. But the takeaway was good – don’t deny yourself anything. We all have cravings and so, if you want a bite of something, have it. It’s when you find yourself NEEDING to eat a half a pie that you may want to examine the why of it. Because your body probably doesn’t ever need a half a pie.

Over Christmas we had family here and there were desserts with dinner every day, cookies and candy from Santa, etc. in the house all the time, and I managed to lose weight. Why? How? Because some days I said, "No" to dessert because I was satisfied from dinner, or some days I had a very small scoop of ice cream with strawberries, or a bite of chocolate. I no longer HAVE to have a whole dessert or eat too much, because now I live in a world where I eat to nourish my body and not to feed my wounds.

Does eating to feed your wounds sound familiar to you? 

Day One

2013 brought a lot with it. Sometimes years will go by and I don't really feel like much momentous happened at all, but 2013 was packed to the brim with momentous.

There were many new friendships made (four and five hour lunches!) with people from all over the world, which are connections that I'm hopeful will last years and years. There were relationships cemented, and one that was tested and has floundered a bit.

There was a new career path chosen, which brought intense study and immense personal and spiritual growth.

There was creativity found, which once was lost, and other life-changing online courses, which I was blessed to take.

There was adventurous travel with the love of my life.

There was a conference attended, where I met people I internet-knew and loved and got to hug and smile and share space with in real life. There were retreats attended and one retreat sadly, not attended.

There was a husband's birthday celebrated with a trip to family in Cali, which included a surprise visit from daughter number one.

There was Pismo. Magic.

There was a 21st birthday celebrated with a football game and midnight drink with a daughter that shines so bright.

And there was a dog that passed away one morning who took part of me with her.

There were pounds shed, which I'm happy to release and send on their way, blessing them for bringing me what I needed while they were here, now ready to need them no longer.

There was help received for the past, and the present, and the future by some incredible souls, some of them even human.

I bless 2013 for all of this and all of the rest. Thank you 2013.

Today is Day One of 2014 and I bless it for all it is about to bring. Thank You 2014.

Thank you.

Did anything momentous happen in your life in 2013? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below. 

Today I'm wishing you peace, love and infinite prosperity in 2014.

I've Been Told I'm Totally Magic

A year ago July I made a decision to change the path of my life. There were a series of seemingly unrelated events that occurred, and because I was paying close attention, they added up to me pursuing a career as a Life Coach. Honestly, it’s something from which I’ve been running since I was in third grade. It’s been following me around and tapping me on the shoulder, and then last year someone said, “You should be a life coach!” Never mind that she said it to the lady sitting next to me! It hit me in the middle of the forehead like, duh!!!  Of course!!  That is what I’m supposed to be doing with my life!  And in January, I began my training with Martha Beck Inc. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself.

During training, we are coaching. I’ve coached classmates and friends, and have been told that I’m totally magic, among other things. I am very passionate about being of service in this way and I’m looking for a few more clients that I will talk to on a regular basis. It can be over the phone or via Skype – so it doesn’t matter where you live. Coaching with me now will be less expensive than it will be once training and certification are over, so if you are interested in exploring a shift in your life (or know someone who is), I would love to start talking with you about it now.

Photo of me by Kimberly Kalil in Gearhart, Oregon

What is a Life Coach?

The analogy is used that a physician treats and heals a physically sick person, and then a coach or personal trainer takes that healthy person and optimizes their body. You want a better golf swing? You hire a coach. You want to reshape your body and get stronger? You hire a personal trainer. 

Life coaching works in the same way – it takes our lives to the next level. You're stuck in life and don’t know which way to turn? Life coach. You're having relationship issues with the people that mean the most to you? Life coach. You’re ready for change, but don’t know what that looks like? Life coach. You’re sick of making the same mistakes over and over and over? Life coach. You’re ready to fall in love with yourself and your life? Elle Jaye.

Introducing Elle Jaye Jacobsen (a.k.a. Laurie 2.0)

Elle Jaye - that’s me. Along this journey of life coach training, I have changed and grown so much that I really don’t feel like the old me anymore. And honestly, don’t tell my mom, but I’ve never been in love with the name Laurie. I was born Laurie Jean Gies and my brother has always called me L.J.

A few years ago we got a Wii and for a reason completely unbeknownst to me, I named my avatar Elle Jaye (L.J., with a twist).  Recently, I read this blog post by Flora Bowley wherein she talks about how she went from being Shannon to Flora. It was a life-changing, huge “Aha!” moment for me and I will forever be grateful to her for sharing her story. I can pick? I can decide what my name is? Yes, yes I can. This time, I’m picking my own name, and it’s Elle Jaye. So that’s the name of my business, and if you want to start calling me that, I would love it. I’m not legally changing my name at this point, but I am Elle Jaye Jacobsen LLC for the business. It feels so right and so good and so loving to myself. And every time someone calls me Elle or Elle Jaye, I get a tingle.

A new career and a new name, all deeply rooted in knowing that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.

I’ve put up a landing page on www.ellejayejacobsen.com where you can sign up for my newsletter and schedule a free discovery or paid coaching session with me.

If you know that you’re ready to get started, you can go straight to my website and click the “Schedule Session” button, or if you’d like to chat about it a little first, you can send me an email at info@ellejayejacobsen.com or a private Facebook message here: https://www.facebook.com/lauriejjacobsen.

Today I wish for you deep roots of love.